This is a tired, old post that I’ve written about with respect to tone, and that so many before me have written about. Hey, what’s another one to add to the pile? I’m talking mainly about the relationship between WOC and white women in feminist spaces, but I know it applies elsewhere.
Depending on the race, the anger of women of colour is seen as inappropriate because it is either “unbecoming”/”unladylike”, or “demasculating.” I don’t know. At this point, I don’t care about the different ways WOC anger is characterized because it boils down to one thing: we’re apparently supposed to never be angry at racism, especially when we are in anti-racist and/or feminist spaces.
Too many times, a woman of colour will not come forward in a feminist space when she feels racism because she anticipates that it means putting herself in a crossfire between other women of colour and white women in the space. Too many times, she will have no avenues available to her to speak about her experience and get real justice, through acknowledgement that she has experienced racism and dedication to finding solutions. Too many times, she will leave and never come back. Too many times, she will not be able to claim “feminist” as hers, because of all the hurt that word has caused. Too many times, a woman of colour will stay silent, sit on her anger, and let it boil inside until it burns her and only her.
She does this because she knows the danger of speaking. She has shown her anger before, and it has never been received with the seriousness it deserves. It’s been met with hostility, escalating hostility. It is tiring to speak, every day, all the time, against people she is supposed to be working in solidarity with. So, she makes a choice. “Which will hurt me the least? Speaking, or not speaking?” If she speaks, will she be listened? If she speaks, she will have to engage continually with people who are perpetuating racism. If she doesn’t speak, she has the lovely option of it digging itself into her insides and festering, but at least this way no one will cry at her like a sad puppy and call her violent.
Too many times, she will choose not to say anything, because she is taught her anger is illegitimate. “If everyone else finds a problem with it, maybe what I’m saying is wrong?” Too many times, she will choose not to say anything, because it is exhausting to know that other people think her anger is illegitimate.
Why are women of colour not allowed ownership of our feelings, our emotions, and our anger? Why can’t we be angry when someone says or does something racist in a feminist or anti-racist space? Why must it turn into how our anger is negatively affecting the emotions of everyone else? “You’re bringing the atmosphere down” or, my personal favourite, “you’re bringing a lot of negativity into this space and it’s not constructive.”
When do women of colour get to be angry? When do we get to say that racism and sexism is being perpetrated against us in a space, and not have to do it in “calm” and “rational” manner before our supposed white “allies” listen to us, and take us seriously, without getting defensive? Why do we have little right to our emotions? Racism and sexism make me furious. Must I tilt my head to the side and say, “oh, how quaint that you think that” when someone says, “oh, yeah, I know your people have a real problem with violence against women”?
I don’t have any solid answers for those questions. (Except the last one. I have a definite answer for that. Hint: it’s “no.”) I think that there need to be more WOC-headed and WOC-centric spaces, online and offline, where we can show as much goddamn anger as we want without having to justify our emotions. I like those. Those are good. They need to multiply and be angry. Often, if we don’t release that anger, and use the releasing of our anger as a means of healing ourselves, we burn out real fast.
Anyone reading who knows me offline (ahem, k), this post is, unhappily, not about today (yesterday?), but applies.