Today I had a conversation with a friend of mine (who will remain nameless unless she wants to be linked), and in our discussion it briefly came up how, as people of colour, it can be difficult to deal with other POC who actively perpetuate racism and colonialism, intentionally and unintentionally, and contribute to silencing one another. It doesn’t make any of us bad people, just hella bad at solidarity. This made me think about two things that occurred in the past year.
With the first one, I’m not sure how much detail I want to/can give, especially since it was in a near-professional setting. Basically, I (semi?) publicly pointed my finger at a publication for white privilege, and someone on the staff of the publication I was writing for told me to watch my tone and that when he tries to get his point across to people with opposing views, he does so with politeness so that he can be ‘heard’ by the people he is challenging. Before it was even published*, I got critiqued for content instead of my writing (which DESPERATELY needed the critiquing) by another person of colour.
Yes, I admit, parts of my article was confrontational. That is my writing style. Many people seem to find it in them to deal with it and move on. I was prepared to defend myself once it was published, however, I was completely thrown when I was challenged by another POC, who I naïvely assumed was on my side, for the way I said it.
The other relevant incident happened in the Spring, quoted from my private online journal:
We had a discussion afterward and one woman (black) said something about Canadianness and identity (i.e. the “Where are you from question?” ‘can be answered anyhow you want because you get to determine how you identify yourself’) that justifiably pissed off another woman (Aboriginal) but her response was not directed at anyone in particular. I’m supportive of both of their viewpoints because they each made valid points, but as I was leaving class, I heard the first woman saying “You were so aggressive – it would’ve been okay if you wanted to teach me. You could’ve made your point better. Racism exists everywhere – all of us experience it, Aboriginals, black people, Asian…”
I stopped, contemplated saying something, then the prof told us all to GTFO of the room.** While I was walking to the subway station, I thought, “I’m going to regret not saying something to that woman for a long time.” You’ve probably noticed, but I have a problem with this “your tone invalidates your criticism” shit, especially when speaking about racism, regardless of who it comes from. The woman was clearly not trying to teach anyone, just voice her viewpoint and her reaction to statements said, and it is a stupid assumption that every Aboriginal and/or person of colour speaking about their experience with racism has to spoon-feed anyone.
You know, the first woman who spoke was born here, but more significantly, is a Canadian citizen.+ I’m a fucking Canadian citizen. We’re living in a nation built on genocide, and we (not just white Canadians) are implicated in the continuing colonialist project against the Natives. It doesn’t matter if we were born here or if we immigrated here.++
My point is — it really does not matter how you say it. We can’t ‘politely’ challenge domination. We can’t sugarcoat oppression. Not even if we tried. It’s going to come across as hostile and aggressive and confrontation to someone no matter how politely you say it. One of the ‘wonderful’ side-effects of privilege is that it sparks defensiveness at the slightest of challenge, and suddenly the onus is on the marginalized person to bend to that defensiveness. So, maybe I could’ve said, ‘wow, that representation was really white, but, you know, shit happens’ in my article and someone would still tell me I’m playing the ‘race card.’ (Gosh, I should have a whole playing deck by now.)
So, politeness? Pffbt. It hurts to know that many of us have been told we need to be polite in order challenge privilege and power and that we believe we need to be polite, or apologize for having the guts to even mention oppression.
* It was published, to my surprise.
** I realize that sounded like an excuse. It was. I should have said something, and I failed to be an ally.
+ She said so in the discussion.
++ That would be me saying that Canadian citizenship is a privilege.
N.B. this is not ammo for white allies to say ‘look, POC can be racist too’ to deflect discussion of white privilege. I don’t know why I feel the need to mention that.
I hate the watch your tone attitude. It is especially offensive when aimed at black women. We are not allowed to complain or point out fault. One word of dissent is enough to get us labeled whether or not the issue we raise has validity.
I have tried to reclaim the angry black woman moniker by saying if we are, we are entitled. When you look at the history of how black woman have been treated in western society only a sadist would be smiling with joy. If you are black and poor or LGBT or disabled the problems multiply.
People tell me often that I am intimidating to which my response is, it is not me but your failure to acknowledge your racism or your privilege. I don’t believe in sugar coating a damn thing so that people can sleep better at night. My peace of mind is more important to me. I speak my truth for all of the women who have been unable to do so in the past. If someone does not want to hear it they have the choice not to engage with me. I will never be silent in the face of oppression, that is not who I am or what I stand for.
I used to hear people talk about trans people causing massive drama all the time. I didn’t know, until I learned about the tone argument and saw how people talk to black women, what was going on, and that it wasn’t about trans people, but about the dominant group keeping things under control.
It’s not the same, obviously, but the patterns that are used to defend privilege sound pretty similar.
But – for example – I’ve never been called intimidating. I’ve been told I’m too mean, and I should be nicer, but I’ve only seen (cis and trans) women of color called intimidating, at least so far.
Wow… just want to say, AMEN, RENEE!
And yes, amen!